Have you ever wondered why patterns of behavior repeat in your relationships? Are you jealous and insecure? Are you possessive or controlling? Are you afraid of being alone? Understanding your behavior through attachment styles can help you have a more open and sensitive understanding of your needs.
Attachment is your connection to others; a connection that is vital for emotional development and your health. Throughout the entirety of your life, feeling connected to others is important for your well-being. Therefore, the attachment styles you absorb in childhood are very influential in relating to others and understanding yourself.
Attachment styles refer to the patterns of interpersonal relationships that develop early in your life, particularly in the context of your relationships with your primary caregivers. Often the primary caregiver will be your parents. Attachment styles shape the way you will approach and develop relationships; therefore, it can be useful to understand how they can influence your behavior.
The four main attachment styles are:
Secure attachment:
In this kind of environment caregivers will be accessible and sufficiently attuned to the child’s needs. In turn, the child will feel comfortable exploring their environment because they feel safe. In adulthood, people with a secure attachment style tend to form healthy, balanced relationships. They will feel comfortable with intimacy and generally trust others. They tend to develop long-lasting, trusting relationships while being able to express their emotions and needs without fear of abandonment.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment:
Growing up in an environment where there is uncertainty about the availability and responsiveness from the child’s caregivers can result in an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This may reduce the child’s sense of security and control. It may lead them to form overly dependent or possessive relationships due to fear of abandonment. As an adult, the individual may center their happiness and relationships on a constant search for approval and validation from their partner. Additionally, the person can be hypersensitive to any perception of rejection.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment:
On the other hand, growing up in an environment where emotional neglect, dismissiveness, or a lack of emotional connection is prevalent can lead to the development of a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. It may instill an inclination to downplay needs, suppress emotions, and fear of closeness in a child. An adult may minimize emotions, prioritize practical needs over emotional needs, and overemphasize independence. They can also be emotionally unavailable ad have a hard time expressing their emotions.
Fearful-avoidant attachment (also known as disorganized attachment):
Growing up in an inconsistent or traumatic disorganized environment can lead a child to live with conflicting emotions. They may desire closeness with their caregivers while also fearing to be hurt by them, leading to unstable relationships. In adulthood, they may develop love-hate relationships where they desire intimacy but are afraid of abandonment because they have difficulty trusting others and feeling vulnerable.
Remember: Attachment styles are not fixed and tend to evolve over time based on life experiences and relationships. These styles are not strictly limited to romantic relationships; they can also influence friendships and other interpersonal connections. And, as with other aspects of the human experience, these relational patterns can be changed or improved with therapeutic support and counseling.